I'm in Alabama

I am driving a Chevrolet Aveo.
I am staying in a Holiday Inn.
I am eating at a Waffle House.
I am getting sunburned.
I am wearing boat shoes.

Ergo, content will be meager until Thursday.

But first, a two man play I call "We Move as One."

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We Move as One

Fin.
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What Happened Was

I was in Canada (the country) for three days, and just returned to a totally different NBA. And it's not just the NBA that changed, it's everything about America. Maybe I'm just seeing things in a different light, now that I've experienced a completely different culture, but things aren't making sense.

When I left, so many moons ago, cloning was illegal. Now, it appears that if you have enough money you can pay someone to make your identical double to give you back rubs and laugh at your jokes even if they aren't funny.

And that's not the only genetic modifications that are now allowed. Always ahead of the curve, the Spurs have somehow found a way to make their players 15% larger than they usually are. The advantages of this are numerous. Not only are scoring, rebounding, and defending far easier, kneeing people in the genitals is almost commonplace after the size increase procedure.

I'm not terribly surprised because Obama. He's changing things (mostly basketball-related genetics, obviously). But it was a little weird to me that David Stern decided to change the rules of basketball when they've been the same for so long. That he's no allowing Greco Roman wrestling during games is off-putting. That it occurs between a Spaniard and a Frenchman is all the more jarring.

And to top things off, the Kings retired my Dad's number. I mean, I've always enjoyed playing with him; he's a great passer and suprisingly nimble, but I'm not sure why an NBA team is retiring his jersey when he's never played in the NBA.

Canada is so much different than America, and I spent so much time deeply embedded in their culture that it's been such a hard adjustment coming back. In time, I hope to understand this fascinating new league.

The Stars Come Out

Last night was the first time Pau Gasol and Marc Gasol have played each other in Los Angeles. Yeah, they've played in Memphis before but the only celebrities in Memphis are Three-6-Mafia and BB King's corpse. Needless to say, things are bigger in LA.

Even the Gasol's realized this. They tried their first fist pound ever for the occasion.

Having succeeded with the fist pound. The Gasol's pranced up and down the court.

I'm pretty sure they were excited because their brother David (pronounced "DAH-veed") was in the house. They hadn't seen him since they left Spain.

Of course, David Gasol wasn't the only big name in attendance. Orlando Magic head coach Stan Van Gundy came out to scout his potential Finals opponent.

The stars of 2002's Best Picture winner Anger Management were courtside.
As a special promotion, it was "90s night." The Lakers invited people who haven't been relevant in years to come and sit courtside. It was their way of acknowledging that even though the don't have the clout to deserve premium seats, they aren't forgotten.

For instance, "musician" Fred Durst was allowed in public for the first time since that song with Method Man. One of the biggest surprises was that the Lakers invited the spirit of 1999 era Jared Leto to attend the game. Not surprisingly, 1999 era Jared Leto was happy to attend.With all these huge stars showing up, Andy Garcia was relegated to the nosebleeds. Again. Sorry, Andy. At least you got 8th billing in the Ocean's 11 franchise.

The Blowtorch Presents ... Anticipatory Remarks

Pound for pound, I'm pretty live on the mic

Oh, what's that you say? You'd like to hear a podcast of the silliness you normally just read?

Fine.

Play The Blowtorch Presents...Anticipatory Remarks

Wherein:

• Marc Gasol is discussed.
• The word "gregarious" is used. Twice.
• Mario Chalmers is slandered.
• Clay Bennett raps.

Enjoy.

UPDATE:

Stax Records' Newest Artist

Straight out of Soulsville, USA, the Memphis Grizzlies present The New Mad Lads. Only on Stax Records.

Hakim - the thoughtful one. Check him out way dooowwwwnnn looooooooooowww. He's sensitive, but he's strong. Raised in the church, Hakim made his stage debut at the tender age of 3.

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Darko - the heart-throb. Sure he's the cute one, but he'll tear your heart out. Literally. But don't worry ladies, he's got a soft side he can't help displaying.

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Marc -- the funny one. He's all smiles, just having a great time. Of course he'll let you stroke his beard! You might remember him as the keyboardist for his brother's band Pau and the Gas Men.

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Hamed -- the eccentric one. While not as beloved by the group's fans, Hamed is the creative force behind the group. That's right girls and gals, he's responsible for hits such as "Giggin' with the Grizzlies," "Beale Street Stomp," and the newest smash single "I Wanna Play in the USA."