Steve Nash's Identity Crisis

This has been a pretty hard last couple of years for Steve Nash. A year and a half ago, the villainous Steve Kerr traded away Shawn Marion for one of the NBA's biggest Bros, Shaquille O'Neal. Steve was pretty sad because Shaq wouldn't get out of the way so Steve had to slow down. But it was still all good because the Suns were winning. Until they weren't. When Tim Duncan made that three to kill the Suns, a part of Steve died.

Steve kept it together for a while, but when it turned out that the Suns weren't going to be good anymore he started saying things like:

• "I don't care if I win a title."
• "Shaq is such a bro."
• "Can someone bring me some chicken tenders?"
• "I have sadness."

And now that Shaq is gone, Steve is super sad because of the Suns being bad. He doesn't know what to do with his life. I'm not a psychologist, but I'm pretty much a psychiatrist, and I can tell that he's going through a crisis.

Whereas Steve Nash used to be one of the most fun-loving Dudes in the NBA, now he's a confused Dude. He tried setting up his anti-hot dogs coalition, but that failed because people love hot dogs. Now, he's just trying anything to feel alive again.

For instance, he tried modelling:

I understand that he's just trying to find something to do with his time that makes him feel productive, but it's kinda sad. He's not even modelling good clothes, he's modelling things that look like you could buy them at a Goodwill.

And then when his modelling job tanked, Steve started "really getting in to music." He'd wander the streets of New York, coming up with horrible melodies that can't even get made in to songs. Naturally, he started dressing like his favorite Canadian musician, Celine Dion:

That's pretty sad, right? Obviously it is. No one should dress like Celine Dion, including Celine Dion.

So after a failed charity, a failed modelling career, and a failed music career, Steve turned to what any cold-blooded Canadian would: women.

I don't know why he's done it, but I'm guessing it has to do with taking his mind off basketball. It's kind of like in movies about rock stars how they just want to have ladies around so they don't feel so horribly alone.

All of that is bad enough, but the latest news is that he's quitting basketball to play soccer:

Oh, Steve. I feel so bad for you. I know I wouldn't want to be a Sun right now either, but you are a basketball player. The soccer thing is cute and all, but you need to be on a hardwood floor, throwing bounce passes. Even if it's to players who aren't as good as you are, and even if you're not as good as you used to be.

As fans, we need to give Steve the support he deserves. If we don't, who will?

Kinda Worried About Tyler HansBro

Bros. I recently saw a picture of Tyler HansBro, and something is wrong.

If you've seen the 2002 documentary film The Ring then you already know what I'm talking about. Judging by the blurriness on his face, I'd estimate that HansBro has about 4 days to live. It is likely his buddy on the right is already dead (RIP Buddy).

Not cool, Sadako.

In that documentary, the filmmakers go in-depth trying to figure out what exactly happened to the girl that kills everybody in that movie. If you can't remember the sequence of events, here is a quick breakdown:

• Watch a creepy video.
• Face goes blurry.
• Tortured young girl comes and kills you.

Here is a diagram of what happened to the last Teletubby to watch the video.

RIP Teletubby

As you can see, Sadako ate the Teletubby's insides from the inside. It's horrific and I don't want that to happen to Tyler HansBro. Why you ask?

He is best Bro icon to enter the NBA in years.

With the continued irrelevance of Jason KaBrono and the increasing annoyance that is Shaquille Bro'neal, there has to be someone to step in to that void and represent for all the Bros in the world. Tyler HansBro is that Bro.

Besides, who is going to sell those Dockers?

These Dockers aren't going to sell themselves.

That's why it's troubling. We need Bros in the league, just like we need Bros in our blog posts. Without Bros, how would we know who is legit and authentic (i.e Dudes), and who is not legit or authentic (e.g. Bros).

I can only imagine Tyler's face when he saw The Ring.

Tyler's face when he saw The Ring

So not only have we lost a marketing superstar, we've also lost the last remaining Bro hope in the NBA. Now, there is no foil for Dudes such as Brad Miller and Greg Oden and Chris Bosh. Dudes need Bros, and Bros need Dudes. This is how the world works.

RIP HansBro:"Seems Like a Chill Bro"