Brandon Roy Responds

Wow. It's been a while. As you can see, the noose of the spring semester is tightening for most of us, including yours truly, but I'll take some time to talk about what happened last night in Portland.

After the Portland TrailBlazers dropped Game 3 to the Dallas Mavericks in Oregon, the frustration of star guard Brandon Roy was obvious and almost boiling over. The three-time all-star and former rookie of the year, played just eight minutes Wednesday night and was beginning to question where he fit in with Nate McMillan's squad.


What a difference Game 4 made for Mr. Roy.



The Blazers were down by as much as 23 points in the third quarter after missing their first 15 shots of the second half, and the game seemed all but over. Then, as fate would have it, Roy got going. After having just six points on 1-3 shooting in the first three quarters, he shot 8-10 in the fourth, racking up 18 points in the process. The Blazers as a team shot 75 percent from the field in the fourth, completing one of the greatest playoff comebacks of all-time. The 18 point deficit to start the fourth is good enough to be tied for second on the all-time playoff comeback list.

Roy put da team on his back.

The Mavericks have a pretty strong history of playoff nightmares, and this will haunt Dirk and the boys at the very least until Monday when Game 5 takes place in Dallas. ESPN's Chris Mullin said it best, they need to get a win to get this loss behind them. Unfortunately for the Mavs, the Blazers now have a guy that can close at the end of these of games in Brandon Roy.

You have to feel great for Roy. He's been hampered by possible career-ending knee problems for the last year after being rushed back for the playoffs last year after that emergency arthroscopic knee surgery. Roy did not play well in the 2010 post-season and that carried into this season. Roy missed some significant time this year and that was the reason why many questioned if such a bright star had burned out far too early.

Hopefully after last night, a guy with as much talent as Roy will start to get back on track. It'd be a shame to have a guy that is so unassuming and humble go to waste.

-Mitsy

1000 Words: My New Favorite Picture

Let me tell you my story about this picture.

I found this picture on Monday night, just looking through pictures because that's something I do on the reg. At first I was like, "chill out, Andre Miller. You're not Juwan Howard." And then I moved on.

But I was compelled by something to go back to this picture, and I'm glad I did. Just take a look at Brandon Roy's face. It's like his face turned half serpent-half stone because he looked at Andre Miller's crazy face.

So I'm looking at this Brandon Roy snakeface and I start giggling. Nothing too loud, but I can't stop. I keep looking at this picture, and I keep giggling. Then the giggles turned in to full-on laughter, which turned in to dying laughter. Like making little shriek noises. My wife was sitting next to me, doing something with work, and I'm just laughing from looking at a picture because whoops that's your husband. This lasted for five minutes. Seriously.

Anyways, I still can't look at this picture without laughing. I can't even come up with jokes about it. I thought maybe a fable or something about getting this tattooed on my back would be good, but everything just pales in comparison to just spending a good five minutes laughing at this picture. But I am going to get that tattoo.

Performance Enhancers for the Portland Trailblazers

One of the things that I'm always telling Matt Moore is how I want every NBA player to completely maximize their potential. Clearly, this will never happen. However, thanks to certain shadowy connections I have made, I have procured the following items for the Portland Trailblazers basketball team. They have the pieces to challenge the Lakers and Spurs in the West, so I thought that giving them a little extra help would raise the level of the league just a touch. Here is what I acquired:

Robot Legs

For: Greg Oden

Advantages: Supports brittle bones that have been ravaged by osteoporosis. Improves lateral quickness. Improves jumping quickness. Looks awesome.

Disadvantages: The only thing heavier than his actual legs.

Hook for a Hand

For: Lamarcus Aldridge

Advantages: Aids in grabbing tough rebounds. Frightens opposing players. Looks awesome.

Disadvantages: Occasionally falls off of arm stump. Turns player in to a monster.

Shoe Lifts

For: Jerryd Bayless

Advantages: Makes player appear taller, therefore allowing him to play shooting guard.

Disadvantages: Kind of sissy.

Nunchucks

For: Brandon Roy

Advantages: Just seems like he'd like nunchucks.

Disadvantages: None.

Muscle Milk

For: Nicolas Batum

Advantages: Adds muscle. Tastes like milk.

Disadvantages: For bros.

The Leak

In a world where people get book deals for pictures of other people's cats, pictures of other people's food, and even other people's Tweets, I figure there may be a tiny market for a Blowtorch-helmed book about basketball. And if there isn't, I want to write a book anyways. As such, I've been secretly writing a book that will be published in time for next season.

The question now: who will publish it? More than likely, the answer is me; but if you want to publish it, Famous Book Publishers, that'd be cool too.

To build "buzz," here's a sample chapter regarding Brandon Roy:

(click to enlarge)

Don't worry, there's more where that came from. All offers can be directed directly to The Blowtorch.