Awwwww, yeah girl. I know what you’re thinkin’. You’re thinkin’, “that Kevin Love looks HOTT in that new Twolves jersey.” Well I got news for you, baby. KLove’s gonna make this jersey work.
I’ll come by later, wearing my jersey, singing “Business Time.” Cause you know when KLove gets down to business, it’s business time. Play your cards right and we might be talkin’ 2 am burritos at El Mex. If you’re lucky, I might let you wear this jersey, girl.
Haha, I’m just playin’. You know KLove ain’t givin’ up this jersey. Even your fine self can’t work this jersey like KLove.
The blue makes my eyes pop? You know what else is poppin’? Yeah, you do girl. I call it KBone. And that’s what I’m gonna do. Why don’t you come a little closer and I’ll show you why McHale didn’t need Mayo. That’s right, we’ll be talkin’ trades ALL NIGHT. Like you tradin’ your man for KLove.
You like the way I got this ball spinnin’? That’s just the start, baby. Let these fingers do their thing and KLove’ll do his. I’m talkin’ outlet passes to your front court. I’m talkin’ back door passes to your…well, your back door. I’m talkin’ you trimmin’ my linebeard. Don’t act like you haven’t thought about it. You won’t be the first and you certainly won’t be the last.
But, for real, girl. I’ll enroll you at UCLA. The University of Climax, Love Academy. And you know who the dean is? KLove. Don’t worry, your application has already been approved and I’ve got your grant right here.
So, I wake up this morning and due to week three of the permanent dead leg I received playing basketball, take 25 minutes to drag my leg out of bed and walk to the living room. The walk to the living room wears me out so I immediately sit back down on the couch and turn on the T.V. The first thing I hear is"Ron Artest traded to Houston and Chicago has a verbal agreement with Deng." Are you kidding me! Everyone is making moves and so far our best move involves a guy named Brevin Knight. Well, that's not true we did lock D-Will up for a few more years, which is the most important move.
This got me thinking though, what moves are left? Who can we get that is going to put us over the top. It's not CJ Miles and it's not Brevin Knight. Speaking with David Locke on Monday I thought Luol Deng may be it, but it looks like that idea has been shut down. Who is left? Is there a deal out there that makes us the team to beat? Artest brings a lot of Drama but he is good. You are lying if that signing doesn't concern you as a Jazz fan.
I want to hear from you, our readers, what you really think needs to happen. So, to get the conversation going, Hammy, Pick-N-Roll, Whistle, CB and myself compiled our list of realistic....err, not a chance in hell trades, we need to make happen. I'll start with mine:
Booner: AK for Deng (Yes, our chances are all but lost, but I am holding on to a little hope.)
AK for Chris Kaman (Don't judge me for this. You know you would love having a legitimate big man that can score. Plus he doesn't look near as ugly next to Korver.)
CJ for anyone of the Barry boys. (I don't care if it's the Dad, it just seems if you have a Barry on your team you are making, at the very least, the conference finals.)
Hammy chimes in with a few ideas that look so simple:
Carlos Boozer for Dwight Howard
Carlos Boozer for Chris Bosh
AK for Paul Pierce
AK for Lebron
CJ for Joe Johnson
Pick-n-Roll continues his mission to get the "Cookie Monster" in a Jazz uniform:
1-Shane Battier & Dikembe Mutombo for AK & Ron Ron 2- Boozer & exp contract for Amare Stoudmemire 3- Crazy trade with Sac-town to get Ron Artest.....too late
Whistle, the Manny Ramirez of Jazz blogs, just being the whistle:
Memo, Boozer and AK for Dwight Howard
Boozer for Anyone
Korver & Brewer for Ben Wallace
C.B. Jack provides what may be the most realistic move the Jazz can make:
The Bear I would like to see the Jazz trade for a younger, smaller, and more agile mascot. I feel like The Bear has done a great job during his tenure with the Jazz, but the team needs to move in a different direction. Back in the Bear's prime, he was doing dazzling stunts at an amazing rate. There were games where he would do the "scoreboard repel" and the "stairway sled" in the same game. He was reckless. He made us hold our breath. He made people who don't swear say "That is one crazy mother #^@*$*!".
He dazzled the crowd during the 1992 All-Star Jam Session and solidified himself as one of the league's elite mascots. Fast forward 16 years. Three knee surgeries, two burst tendons, a hip replacement, and 5 costume changes and all we have is some 50 year old in a 75 year old body who wants to capture our attention with such pranks as "Pull the foam finger and I'll hit you on the head" or "kids shoe toss". While entertaining, I no longer hold my breath. I don't even get the "oh shiz he's coming towards me" butterflies that I used to get when he would come to my section. I'm sure he is getting big bucks and lots of free Papa Murphy's pizza, but it's time to trade The Bears inflated contract for a young, daring, never-had-death-flash-before-his-eyes, mascot.
Thanks for the memories Bear. You won't be forgotten, but if you keep your current act up, you won't be remembered either.
"How many people have to get hurt before we pull the plug on The Bear?"
So My Utah Jazz readers, please leave us a comment and tell us your dream trade...
Since Kwame Brown has signed with the Pistons, what better time to re-examine his legendary mugshot? I've noted 5 things here, but I'm sure there's more. Feel free to add them in the comments.
I did this for Moore. Read it; it's really good. So is the little group of writers he's put together. I'm going to actually have to try to dominate it.
With ice caps melting and sea level rising this is the perfect home for the future. It just needs to be located somewhere with moderate-warm temperature all year round (not Sweden). via-skonahem.com/
Threatening to go to Europe is the new threatening to move to Canada. Essentially, it’s a meaningless threat on par with a VERY meaningless threat. Nonetheless, as a service to everyone, I’ll show you how you can use the threat of going to Europe in your every day life to get what you want.
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While booking a limousine for a wedding… Martin: The best we can do for you is $200 an hour for a 14 seat, stretch Escalade. Frank: I want a 20 seat party bus. Martin: Well, that’ll be $240 an hour. Frank: Whatever. I’m going to Europe. Martin: Fine. How does $140 an hour sound?
While asking for a raise… Erica: I’ve performed well above my expected level and feel that I should be promoted to the senior level. Ron: You’re still a little inexperienced. Erica: Fine. I’ll just go to Europe. Ron: Alright, senior level, 11% raise, and a company car.
While negotiating an NBA contract... Chris: Ey yo, uh, we ain’t sure you’re performance last year justifies you’s getting’ a big contrac’. Andris: I veal go to Yoorope. Chris: Aight, man, you got me. 6 years, 64 mill? Andris: Voondarefool.
While listening to 80s rock… Rico: Dude, Journey OWNS the 80s. Mick: Yeah, right. I’m going Europe. IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!
While seducing your wife… Todd: Aww, c’mon, honey. It’ll be fun. Hannah: We are NOT getting a third person. Todd: Fine. I’m going to Europe. Tony Parker: You want-a to sex-a my wife?
It's not uncommon to report to your significant other. I mean, I shaved my beard for that very reason. That being said, this list - given to Elton Brand by his wife, Shahara - illuminates some reasons why Elton Brand had to leave Los Angeles.
I am bitter. I am so fed up with CJ. Just so you know, the Jazz cannot do a sign and trade. He WILL be in a Jazz uniform for at least the first year of the contract. What on earth was K'OC thinking?
Reasons this was a dumb move:
-CJ Miles does not want to be in Utah -Jerry Sloan does not like the guy. -I hate the guy. -Where will the money for Milsap and Brewer come from? -If Kyle Korver opts to stay the last year of his contract, when will CJ get minutes?
I just don't get it. Please feel free to leave a comment and explain to me why this makes sense. I would love to hear all the CJ Miles homers (BiasedFan) come and support this absurd move.
Score: CJ 15.8M, Jazz Brass 0
I hope CJ's agent just laughs his way to the bank.
Copenhagenization is a concept in urban planning+design related to the Copenhagen's bike-friendly infrastrature/culture.
Copenhagenize is a blog that discusses news related to bike culture in Denmark. They recently did a piece on Baisikeli, a Danish bike charity program. This is how it works:
When a bike gets stolen/lost in Denmark the owner gets compensation from their insurance company. If the bike is later retrieved, the insurance company owns/keeps the bike. The companies usually scrap these bikes BUT Baisikeli made an arranged with several Danish insurance companies so that they get the bikes instead. These bikes are shipped to bicycle workshops in Africa where they are repaired by local mechanics and sold to local distributors-who sell them to the local population. Baisikeli has projects in Ghana, Sierra Leone and Tanzania. In Ghana, bikes were given to children in outlying areas so they can get to school. Bikes are also converted into work bikes for carrying water, food, and firewood (in photo above). Niels Bonefeld and Henrik Smedegaard Mortensen are the creaters/developers of this project. To get financing they rented some of the scrapped bikes to tourists+leased them to foreign students and companies in Denmark. The bikes used for renting are repaired by The Copenhagen Recycling Company (KGC) who hire unemployed Danish citizens and train them to fix bikes-giving them a trade. $$ made from rentals is used to ship containers filled with Danish bikes to Africa. *single tear*
So much for a sign and trade with Atlanta to get Josh Childress, he has signed on with Greek club Olympiakos. Not that the Jazz were giving any signs of making such a deal (thanks for the effort Kevin), it was just a pipe dream that a few of us fans/writters were having. Josh is not a superstar in any definition of the word, but a very nice player that is vital to a club with championship aspirations like our Jazz. He was not going to help a team like Atlanta too much because he can't be your second best player, but with the Jazz he could have been a Tayshawn Prince or Bruce Bowen type of contributor when their teams won the trophy, just what this version of the Jazz are needing.
The first thing to look at in this deal is the money, because the money is what it is always about regardless of what the athlete says. The deal is for 3 years and apparently worth 7 Million per year after taxes and conversion from the Euro to the Dollar. To compete with that an NBA club would have had to come up with a 10-12 Million per year type of deal to come close to the take home pay he is getting. With the salary cap and economic structure of the NBA right now that type of deal is salary cap suicide for a player of his caliber. Basically it would take a 4 year $45 million deal to match it apples to apples. Imagine paying Andrei Kirilenko that much, we would be ready to set fire to Kevin O'Conner. Oh wait, we're paying AK a little more than that right now and we can't stop complaining about it (and AK is a better player that Childress).
The more interesting part of this deal is the possible ramifications that his signing might have on other players of his caliber. For us Jazz fans this means players like Ronnie Brewer, Paul Millsap and Kyle Korver might be getting offers that are too good to pass up and too rich for the Jazz to match. These are players that the Jazz need to keep on board and need to keep developing if they want stay at the top of the pile in the NBA. For a restricted Free Agent like Childress (or Millsap next year and Brewer shortly after that) going to Europe ultimately gets him to un-restricted status quicker while still getting paid. To keep his rights the Hawks would have to make a qualifying offer each year which goes against their cap. I just don't see a team outside of the Knicks that would be willing to eat up a portion of their cap for a player that is 5,000 miles away with no intentions of coming back. Basically the Hawks are screwed on this one and are going to loose Childress for nothing in return. Childress also got an opt out after each year of his deal so as soon as he gets a better offer back home he can take it.
Lets hope this does not become a popular trend for other good, but not great young players or the Jazz could be just as screwed as the Hawks are. Up to this point in the globalization of the NBA it has been the US teams picking off the players from Europe and now we may be seeing the start of an new reality. Fortunately, the Jazz are not run by complete morons like the Hawks and should be able to keep this from happening to us. I think...
Is it really that hard for Morris Almond to play a little defense or even pass the ball. That is all Sloan wants to see but for some reason Morris thinks the more he scores the more minutes he will get. If Almond had a brain he would of tried getting assists, steals, and rebounds. He is a black hole and will rarely see the floor this upcoming season. He is soft and is extremely lazy on defense. It really makes you appreciate guys like Harpring. As far as Fes and Kosta they looked bad. I had high hopes for both of them. Let's be honest Kosta will be lucky to stay in the league for more than a few seasons. and Fes is Fes, happy but doesn't have a clue. The revue guys looked bad and will not have any impact on the Jazz team at all. P.S. Did you know Kosta middle name is Ken.
On July 30th, the Cheesecake Factory will be offering every one of their cheesecakes at a discounted price of $1.50 a slice. Sure this seems like a good idea, a nice way to honor their 30 year anniversary. But consider the consequences, I've produced a flow chart for easy viewing.
As you can see, virtually every imaginable scenario is perilous. I suggest stocking up on non-perishables, bottled water, and batteries. You have 5 days to prepare for the apocalypse.
The reason I joke about foreigners so much is because they're my favorite group of players in the NBA. That being said, this video is pretty much everything that excites me about what might happen in the NBA. Two dudes who might never set foot in the league, but if they did, they'd be two of my favorite players.
Not sure if MUJ readers have heard the news but Jason Hart has just been traded to the Clippers for Brevin Knight. 1320 KFAN has just reported the deal and apparently it is a simple one. The Jazz trade Hart straight across for Knight. I am sure more details will be known shortly, in fact, some of you may already know more about the trade than I do.
It certainly isn't the blockbuster move I was hoping for, however, it is a good move for the Jazz. I don't think Knight is going to take Ronnie Price's job away, but it doesn't hurt the Jazz to have a couple of back up point guards fighting for minutes.
Here's to hearing more smart moves from the Jazz Front Office this off-season. I was going to put together a montage of Jason Hart's career in Utah but it ended up being seven minutes of him sitting at the end of the bench. Take care Hart.
One of the NBA's preeminent stoners, Sacramento's Brad Miller, was gracious enough to sit down and give The Blowtorch a series of stories about his life. His life's lessons, if you will. This is the first of those stories:
As recently as two years ago, I was devoted to the Pitchfork music festival. I'd be there from the first notes of the first set (Pelican, if I remember right -- terrible) and wouldn't leave until the very last song of the last artist. Things done changed. I was at Union Park for a total of 4 hours on Sunday. Spoon wasn't worth staying for. Ghostface and Rae were dope and King Khan was fantastic. After those two acts, I didn't really care for anyone else there. Sorry, Bon Iver.
It can only be assumed that the mid-1990s Charlotte Hornets are the hipster choice of NBA team. I counted at least 3 Alonzo Mourning jerseys, 2 Larry Johnsons, and 1 Muggsy Bogues.
About that King Khan set; Fiancee and I showed up about halfway through and were blown away. Not only did it sound awesome but the stage show was hilarious. Headdresses, capes, and a cheerleader. But really, isn't Khan just a much more talented Har Mar Superstar? Is there any chance he can keep up what little success he's had without turning in to a total joke? Enjoy it while it lasts.
I'm a well-dressed fellow. This is a certainty. However, I'm also not above taking chances stylistically and I definitely don't frown upon people doing their own thing. All that being said, there was a gluttony of terrible, TERRIBLE fashion choices this weekend. There is a very distinct reason that deep v-necks and short jogging shorts went out of style. No one wants to see that much skin on a man. Ever. And while it's pretty played out to say "all these people want to be individuals but they dress the same," it's also painfully true.
The Animal Collective set was perfect for a last set in the dark. Their ambient stuff is way better live than on record.
I met Jeff Weiss and he was the most earnest and genuinely happy blogger I've met. And aside from the wristband, the least affected. Good people. Also, no homo.
I wonder if when Ghost and Rae joined Wu-Tang they ever thought they'd be performing to 10,000 sweaty, white kids who know all the words to all their songs? That can't have been part of RZA's plan.
If you're a musician playing at Pitchfork, it's probably pretty easy to walk around and see some other bands since there's at least 25 people who look exactly like you.
Raekwon HAS to be related to Kirby Puckett.
Number one most punchable at the festival: Tom Breihan
Well Hammy, time to start cooking up that turd sandwich.
