Via remodelista.com
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
I Wrote A Poem
I wrote this poem on TRAP and PYRAMID, and I think it sums up how every Chicago Bulls fan circa 94-98 felt about Corie Blount.
Frenchmen Hate Shiny Weapons
A lot of the time I just sit and think about various things about the NBA. This usually takes up between 4 and 6 hours of my day, or basically all the time when I'm not working.
Sometimes I think about what teams are good. Sometimes I think about what teams are bad. Sometimes I think about how Mo Williams and LeBron James have tattoos that look so much alike that it's not surprising they play well together.
Other times, I look at pictures of Dwight Howard rebounding. When he's rebounding it looks like he's standing in air. Look:
See, Dwight's just standing. Anderson Varejao, "Snickerface" to his family, is trying to grab the ball, but he can't because he can't levitate and stand like Dwight Howard. This is why Dwight is such a good rebounder.
Being a blogger who uses a lot of visual jokes, I also like to use Google, which is a prominent search engine like Lycos and Ask Jeeves. Just this morning I used Google Image Search (a subsidiary of Google) to see if I could find a wacky picture of Wally Szczerbiak since I just memorized how to spell his name. Turns out when you Google (image version) Wally Szczerbiak, you get a lot of pictures of Wally Szczerbiak without his shirt on, looking like a basketball player people would say looks like a model. It's actually quite funny. To save you a step, here is a hyperlink that will take you to the page I'm talking about if you click on it:
Here's another funny observation that I had last night during the basketball game between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Orlando Magic. Because Wally Szczerbiak (see above) was doing well at basketball and his father happened to be in town, they showed a lot of crowd shots of Walt Szczerbiak. Within seconds of seeing him, I used my memory of people's faces to realize that he looks similar to Utah Jazz head coach Jerry Sloan.
This is Jerry Sloan:
This is Walt Szczerbiak: 
As you can see from those two photographs that I displayed above, both men have very grey hair which is parted on the left side of their head. Additionally, their faces have similar bone structure and features. However, in that photograph of Walt Szczerbiak, he is sporting a dashing mustache, which I can assure you was not present during the Cleveland Cavaliers versus Orlando Magic game that took place last evening. Isn't this an astute observation?
One last thing that I noticed while using Google (image version) to look for a photograph of Walt Szczerbiak is that when he was younger he looked like character actor Casey Affleck, while he portrayed the titular character in the motion picture The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, a movie about the mastermind behind the World Wrestling Federation's Degeneration X being killed by the man who invented cars.
I will now show you a picture of Walt Szczerbiak when he was younger:
And this is Casey Affleck, brother of Ben Affleck, in the movie about wrestling:
Isn't the resemblance striking? The each have disheveled hair, gingivitis, and prostethic limbs. That's why I made that observation.
Thanks for reading!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
What a Tiny Asian Boy Thinks About the Clippers Starting Line-Up
Who IS this guy? And why did he call me Lil' Yao? What's that supposed to mean?This is the dumbest thing on Earth. Dad couldn't have gotten me on court for the Lakers? At least they have Monkey King. This is so lame.
OH, COTTON CANDY!!!!! I NEEEEEEEED COTTON CANDY!!!
This shirt is TOO big. MOM, MY SHIRT IS TOO BIG!!!
Whatever, I'm going to go do some math.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Another Sideline Interview with Jonah Hill
Yoooooooooooo, what up. Just chillin' watchin' the Lakers. The Lake Show. The Lake Sheezy! I'm, like, the hugest [expletive deleted]ing fan ever. But not, like, literally anymore. I do that [expletive deleted]ing South Beach diet [expletive deleted] or whatever.
But, yeah, [expletive deleted], the Lakers are GOOD this year. They're like, AMAZING. Holy [expletive deleted] the Lakers are good. I just [expletive deleted]ing LOVE the Lakers.
WHAT THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] ARE YOU DOING LUKE WALTON? MY MANAGER DIDN'T GET ME THESE TICKETS TO SEE YOUR [EXPLETIVE DELETED][EXPLETIVE DELETED] FALLING ALL OVER THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING COURT! MIGHT AS WELL PLAY CHRIS [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING MIHM!
So yeah, like, totally dig these courtside seats. They give me the hugest inside [expletive deleted] due to, like, the excitement. It's like a regular [expletive deleted] but on the inside because you're all [expletive deleted]ing pumped up for the game. But then, like, the [expletive deleted]ing Laker Girls, yo. Sweet mother of pearl, the Laker Girls give me an outside [expletive deleted].
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! CALLING THAT [EXPLETIVE DELETED] FOUL ON KOBE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING BRYANT! WHO THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? AND NOW THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING CHARLOTTE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING BOB[EXPLETIVE DELETED]CATS BEAT THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING LOS ANGELES LAKERS! IN [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING LOS [EXPLETIVE DELETED]ING ANGELES! THAT'S [EXPLETIVE DELETED]!
Sorry. Sorry. I freaked out.
[EXPLETIVE DELETED]!
Carlos Alberto. Portugal.
Wooden Vespa scooter. Ball-er.
Vespa Daniela. (we are meant for each other).
carpintariacarlosalberto.com
Carlos Alberto. Portugal.
Wooden Vespa scooter. Ball-er.
Vespa Daniela. (we are meant for each other).
carpintariacarlosalberto.com
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
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